What Justin is thinking…

08/26/09

I only sold one ticket today and it has a large bearing on my well being. I feel lethargic, miserable and ready to leave big cities for ever. Perhaps my trounce into the modeling world was actually partly motivated by a sense of wanting to achieve great things and be noticed. I’ve never thought that I wanted this before, so perhaps it is brought on by this culture – either way, by not having, and having little way of attaining makes me feel a bit insignificant. I just wish I knew exactly what I wanted, though I doubt I am the only one aboard that boat, and writing this down now makes me realise exactly what I have got. The grass is not always greener. Anyway I didn’t want to whinge about my own thoughts…Pause… I just got back from having dinner and a conversation on the roof top with Mike a British guy here in the rain, and I now have a newer outlook on my current possibilities here. Mike is a very remarkable chap and I have been meaning to write about him for a while here. I won’t tell you his story right now, but I will tell you that we have some pretty deep conversations, and I told him basically what I have just written. He then said that I probably do know what I want to do, and I told him about my Harlem idea, we discussed it, he said it had merit, and that I really just need a kick in the butt. And from that I have been able to look at the situation that I am in, why I backed off before and how I would go about giving it another shot. I”m not going to back myself just yet, but I am re-evaluating it now and feel that it might be worth another look in. I could drop back to part time at work, promote at hostels and Times Square and just get the balls to inquire with people in Harlem. Mike also knows much about Harlem so I could probably get a few pointers from him with the research phase. Down sides would be – having to back out on a (unpaid) journalism internship and risk possibly not having enough money to get straight into the TEFL course in London in November. If I kept saving $100 a week which I can easily do now, then I will be able to make it no probs. I’ll definitely give it some thought. Now it will be different as financially I am in a safe place, I feel more at home, not as lonely, not missing the family as much and I am tasting what it is like to not give it a crack and it is bitter.

08/23/09

I had a new experience today. At the Bahai devotional and cluster meeting that I attended on 11^th st this morning I introduced myself to many people as usual and as usual was asked the first of the introductory questions ‘What are you doing here?’. Up till now I have been only a few things in a few places. ‘I’m a student; I’m saving to go to Uni; I’m a Uni student; I’m saving to go to do an internship in America; I’m an intern; I’m traveling around; and now I’m…not sure. I gave my answer as ‘finished traveling and ended up here, and hey, you’ve got to live somewhere’. I omitted my business aspirations and most of my future plans – I’m just here to exist. Which isn’t really a good way to be, because you never know how long it might be for. What if nothing comes up and for the rest of my life I am just somewhere because I’ve got to be somewhere, working just to survive. Now that sounds like the right road to drive down if you want your destination to be a wasted life. But, I don’t know if just being to exist for any period of time regardless of how short makes a case any different, it’s all wasted time, and that is all you have in life. Though in fairness, I don’t think that is all I am doing here, sure the work seems a bit that way – but in doing so I am successfully (viably) living in New York and experiencing a different culture. It just felt a bit odd telling people that this is what I did, and in fact sort of thrilling in feeling other peoples opinions of me – pity, admiration and either relief or jealousy that they weren’t in my position. A position where I can try out lots of crazy things – like modeling.

I started doing a bit of homework today to improve my knowledge of what I am about to get myself into, and I found a few helpful pointers. Drink lots of water everyday the day before to improve your skin (I drank about two litres over the last four hours), wear clothes that are clean, ironed and look like new (I’m wearing my jeans with a hole in the crotch and four year old over shirt), shave that day (I shaved tonight – one step ahead!) and be confident (I am). I also picked up a few hints on posing, like bending everything that can bend just a little bit, keeping asymmetrical and looking slightly off from the camera. It should be a whole lot of fun and I’m viewing it as an opportunity to have a new experience (though if it ever pays I won’t complain). As to be honest, I really don’t know what I am getting myself in for. I think it is a agency that wants to take some head shots for a portfolio for me to try and get me modeling gigs of which they take a percentage of my pay. But I could be quite wrong. They did mention that I don’t have to pay them any money for the photos, so that is at least a start. Though whether it will come to money later on down the track is another thing. Something a little odd is that they called me twice to tell me that they have “changed their location to a different address”. I would have thought that would be quite a process, and not the sort of thing that happens over a day or two, but I am quite new to the modeling business. Hmm, perhaps it is all a scam and I am being set up and will be asked to pay money for them to take me on as my agent. Hmm, all will be revealed tomorrow!

08/21/09

The other day at work I got a phone call just as we were starting to play our ‘pump up get excited’ games. I didn’t answer it. So today walking to work as I gave the number a call expecting to talk to someone who wanted to sell something – but it was quite the contrary. It was a modeling agency and they want me to come in and have some photos taken on Monday. I got the call because last week as I was working I got chatting to a fellow seller called Rachel. She is an actress/model and sells tickets on the side to get by – like many of the sellers. I mentioned that I had only been here for a few weeks and she said “Oh do you do modeling?”. This and seeing plenty of well paying ads on Craigslist for extras for films got me thinking that this could be a good supplementary income. So I jumped on the net and gave my details and some happy snaps to some companies and on Monday I’m going to get some proper pics taken and they said not to wear flip flops. That’s how it goes. Now I haven’t actually told anyone that I’m doing this for two reasons. One I feel like a right nancy dill. And two I feel very much like it would seem I have tickets on myself – and lets face it, if I ever actually get paid to do anything, I will have a serious job controlling my ego. But both of those things aside, it will be an interesting new experience, modeling in New York. Watch out Zoolander!

08/16/09

Just the other day I was trying to get my computer to work out on the balcony when I heard a voice that I recognised. I listened a little longer not believing that it could really be who I thought it was, but rather someone who sounded similar. Anyway I got talking to the person and his girlfriend and upon finding out that they were Australians I asked what they do back home. “I work for the ABC”.

“You’re Veejay aren’t you” I said. And indeed he was. He is a mid day presenter on Triple J and I’ve actually met him once before when I won the Heywire competition. We chatted about America for a while and he mentioned that he was hoping to see some good music here but has only seen some pretty mediocre bands. I then started talking about Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros but just as I was going into some detail about their creative collective that Heath Ledger used to be a part of I noticed that he must have got a text message as he was playing with his phone, so I just kept talking to his girlfriend. But as it turned out he was just writing the name of the band down so that he could look into it later! Hooray. I was so stoked, because I had already actually contacted some presenters via their guest books to tell them about the band, but I wasn’t sure how successful I would be.

Work has been a bit harder for me recently. I hit five and then three sales a day. What really was like a squirt of citrus to the eye though was that on the three sales day I felt really hot. I was pumped full of energy and ready to make lots of sales, and I just didn’t. There is this guy at work who is a tap dancer and actor who sells many tickets constantly. He sold 13 when I sold three. By looking at him, you would think that he is more plumber than prancer and he has a really matter of fact way of dealing with people. He just calls “do you want to be in a live audience” and points at people and they come to him. I tried his style and it didn’t work for me at all. There is much to learn about the business.

I’m actually quite enjoying the position that I am at the moment, and am glad that I’ve had the opportunity to be here. I’ll be happy if I stay for a few more weeks, and I think I’ll still be happy if I stay for a few more months. People say that they get drawn in by the city, and I didn’t think it would happen, but perhaps it just may be. At least until tomorrow when I’m on the street getting rejected for the 200^th time. Then I will definitely want to leave again.

Hiring films here is a lot more expensive than back home. Any film costs $5.43.

08/13/09

So today was the day to contact Arial and set up our date and I gave it a shot, but it couldn’t have gone worse. I guess I haven’t done much in the way of ‘dating’ before and due to that inexperience I really stumbled at the first hurdle. In fact looking back now it was really what happened yesterday that let me down – I didn’t save her number to my phone correctly. I posted a ‘missed connections’ on craigslist.com but I fear that I won’t see her again. But that is the good thing about my job – I’m bound to meet more people and I certainly did today, though no one that kissed me on the cheek and asked if I was single. However I did have my best day yet, ramping it up again by three to eight total sales! It is pretty exhausting, but can be really good fun when you are talking to people having a laugh like the Israeli girls I sold to or the lone Aussie guy my age who didn’t want to commit to a ticket. I’ve also been having some interesting conversations with the people that work here – they are all very varied struggling actors, models, students or full time permanent ticket sellers. What still cracks me up is that there is a point in the day where we are standing on the street and we get assigned certain areas to work – it is just a little too close to when Brett is assigned a sign to hold on Flight of the Conchords.

08/12/09

Today I didn’t sell any tickets before lunch – neither did the other new guy who didn’t sell any yesterday either and he quit. In the afternoon though, I sold five! Woop woop $50 right there! I also was given the number of a very pretty girl who lives here in New York. Her name is Arial, she has dark lip stick and wore a baseball cap. I think she was quite smitten with my accent and asked if I was single. I might give her a call in a day or two to see if she would like to go to a film or grab a coffee or something. Fancy that eh? Going on a date with a girl in New York! It’s a good feeling when you make a sale, and it can be a whole lot of fun meeting some of these people. And as the job requires you to be happy, the conversations that you have are generally all positive and fun too.

08/11/09

I did a very interesting activity today. It started out with a nice walk through Central park, then I got to have as much juice and coffee as I wanted and I met some friendly Americans. We then played a game of charades and all jumped on a train together where we hung out at the world famous Times Square. Once there we were encouraged to mingle with the public by telling jokes, and finding out where they were from. It got a bit hot at one point, but we all met up to have lunch together and we got a talk to keep us excited and happy, then we got back into meeting people on the street. I met lots of people – some were very friendly and that made me feel happy, some were not so friendly but that didn’t make me feel sad as there was always someone behind them who I could talk to next. It was a really good way to experience New York and be surrounded by people. The best thing though was that it didn’t cost me anything, in fact I even made $18 – which is the cost of almost half of the food I eat in a week! I think I might go back again tomorrow and do it again.

08/10/09

Today I felt quite lazy as I didn’t have any work to do – thankfully not something that I will experience tomorrow as I start my comedy job! I also didn’t eat much any breaky as I got up too late, and then while researching what I’m going to do in France next year hit some bumps on the road, so I’m now a bit unsure. While running/walking in the park I heard the song ‘New York’s not for me’ by Jim Croce which features the lyrics

‘Don’t you know that I’ve got to get out of here

I’m so alone

That’s the reason that I’ve got to get out of here

Coz New York’s not my home’

It seemed to fit my mood almost too well.

08/09/09

Yesterday two things happened that I didn’t mention and I didn’t mention them for two reasons. One: I am not proud of them and Two: they happened after I wrote yesterday’s piece.

The first was when I was purchasing some stone fruit from a street vendor. I accidentally picked up a peach thinking it was a plumb and put it in my bag with two other plumbs. Plumbs were three for a dollar, Peaches two for a dollar. The thing was though, that at first I thought it was a plumb, but upon closer inspection I realized it was a peach, but I still put it in my bag and still only paid the street vendor a dollar for it. THIEF.

The number two thing that happened was precisely that, a number two. I had just had a good read of my new Wheels magazine, flushed and gone to do something else, probably write yesterdays article actually. That evening though upon returning to my room, Patrick my wisend older Jamaican room mate alerted me not to flush the toilet as someone had taken a pooh that had blocked the toilet and that the person that did it should go down stairs, get a plunger and fix it. I inspected it, and it was indeed my business. People were jokingly blaming it on our Croatian room mate but I didn’t say anything. I went out, cooked dinner and tried to forget about it. I felt bad but not bad enough to own up. Later on that night the toilet was in good and in working order. LIAR.

These two things, got me thinking about something else that I’m not proud of – that I had an idea, but bailed on it before I could give it a proper go. COWARD.

So I wasn’t feeling all that crash hot when I ate my Hotdogs capsicum slices and carrots for tea that night, so when my mind challenged me to do something I knew I should do it to save some self respect. I was sitting with my back to the open roof top watching the TV. What I really wanted to do after I’d eaten was read my book and have another night in, but there was a group of people sitting outside and I had challenged myself to go and join them. Next ad break I said, then the next one. Finally I got up and joined in with their convo, and it wasn’t that bad. They were two boys from Queensland and a British girl. We chatted for a while, visited the liqueur store and then went out to a real American bar called ‘The Pioneer’ that played cowboy music and had girls dancing on the bar top. John, one of the Australian’s mates was there and he introduced us to his friends who we chatted with over the loud music. My new friends drank more and more and enjoyed themselves more and more as I felt less and less comfortable. I left them at around one and found my way back to the hostel. It was a fun night and I got to meet some proper Americans, but I’m sure there are other ways to socialize where not drinking would not make you boring and odd. Though, Sabina (the British girl) had said “Interesting” when she found out that I didn’t drink. When I arrived back home at close to two, I wondered if I would have actually gained more by just staying at home reading.

This morning I was still feeling on a bit of a downer as I found my way to the NYC Bahai center for the weekly devotionals. When I got inside my feeling didn’t subside. There was much singing and praying and about half of it in Spanish. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but I didn’t feel at home, it was a community feel, but not my community. Though, like I forced myself to chat to the people last night, I forced myself to stay there after the devotional for the fellowship part of the get together – the tipping point was that there would be food. While guzzling down the amazing tacos, salad, fizzy drink, cookies and ice-cream (there is only so much I can make with a microwave (mic ondes in French – I’ve been studying with a French girl), hot plate and toaster) I started chatting to a couple of people who were quite friendly, dragging me out of my sour funk hole. I then started chatting to a man whose parents were living in the US when they fell in love – his mother Dutch and his father African. It was illegal at the time for them to get married so they escaped to The Dominican Republic and had children there. We started talking about the Bahai Faith, what happens when we die, how he studies the holy writings from a scientific point of view (he is an electrical engineer), matches, electrons and Hermes. I was struggling to keep up with all of his concepts but gained just enough to know that there was a lot out there that I don’t know. This was something that I was very glad I forced myself to try.

08/08/09

Last night was the Edward Sharpe show at the Mercury Lounge. I knew that it was on, though more than a week ago when I looked it up online it was already booked out. But I thought that it was still worth a crack getting down there to see if I could get some tickets. So I made my way there aiming to be at the door around 9:30 as that was when the band was meant to start, but due to some hickups with the subway it was closer to 10:30 when I finally arrived only to see a big queue out the door. Thankfully the band hadn’t started yet, so I hadn’t missed the opportunity, though I still didn’t have any tickets. I didn’t really have much of a plan so I just joined the line until I saw Stuart the Trumpeter so I had a brief chat to him, and then I saw Jade and Nora. Now I didn’t want to ask them to help me get in (they probably get that a bunch) but I did mention that I didn’t have tickets. To up my chances I started with the name dropping,

‘Hey you know Ryan, his like this tall and has hair and a beard like this and is at all your shows?’

‘Oh yeah!’

‘Yeah, we’re friends and worked at TOMS together’

‘ahh cool! Do you know Nora?’

‘Hey Nora, How’s it going? I think you did some work with my mates Claire and Devika also from TOMS?’

‘No’

‘ohh’

Awkward pause. I kept talking to Jade about the tour for a bit and Nora walked off. Perhaps she remembered the last time when I tapped her on the shoulder and she thought that I might get violent again if she kept talking to me. Soon Jade went back in and I was still without a ticket. I got back in line with the vague plan of waiting until I met the bouncer and asking him politely if he could just let me in to the already over flowing room. It wasn’t much of a plan, but I just had a feeling that it should work. As it was I got talking to the group of girls behind me and it turned out that they actually had an extra ticket – brilliant! So I paid the girl whose name was Sam $8 as I didn’t have a $10 note on me and said I’d buy her a drink inside. Sam had heard about the band through her brother Colin who apparently had his finger on the music pulse pretty well. But thanks to the Rolling stone two page spread and the Flaunt magazine article, they aren’t exactly the most secretive band anymore. The lady at the door who was handing out stamps was also taking a tally of who each punter was there to see – I had a look at her list – the band who was headlining had about 40 marks, Edward Sharpe (the support act) had about 300 next to their name, so as you could expect, the place was packed. I knew that if I wanted to make it to the front I would have to make my move early, so fifteen minutes before the start I made my way forward struggling and bumping my way past a lot of people. And right at the very front was a sight that I had seen at all of the other shows that I have been too – a great mass of curly hair – Kat. Apparently she had just moved here to live with her Dad and had already bought herself a ticket for the bands next show in Brooklyn in a months time.

When the band finally played they were as good as ever, the energy was up, people were getting into it and it was a spanking show. Jade pointed at me during the show, sharing one of her trademark grins, the sort of grin that said ‘Oh fantastic you got in!’ and Alex gave me a sort of high five/ finger pat in what I’d like to think was an act of recognition. And it may just have been me (it probably was) but I think Nora was giving me the ol’ greasy eye too a couple of times throughout the show. Near the end of the show in between songs Alex was having a think about what to play next so I yelled out ‘Carries on!’, and he said, ‘oh yeah good idea’, and they played it and it was brilliant. They had addded a cool guitar tiddly bit during the quiter parts of the song and it worked pretty well. Afterwards that were still stumped for a song and someone behind me yelled out ‘40 days’, Alex didn’t hear it so with my deep vocal chords and crystal clear Aussie accent I repeated it and he heard me, only to look at me a little annoyed and like he thought just a bit less of me and said into the mic ‘we’ve already played that song’. Oh, I felt a bit silly. But their last song was a belter and I had a chat to Alex after the show about their tour. I thought about staying for the next band, but it was already late and I had a job interview the next day so I headed off, despite the nagging feeling that I had paid for something that I wasn’t seeing. At the Subway I went into the wrong terminal and couldn’t go back in again for another 15 minutes, so I went back to the club to see the next band some young lads from England- and I’m so glad I did! Not really actually, I hoped that I would be able to say that as it would fit the situation well, but they were just an alright indie band. The crowd had thinned substantially and there would have been enough space for me and about five of my closest friends to swing a cat each. Truly Edward Sharpe was the star band, and quite deservedly so. With the amount of buzz that they are generating, it’ll be interesting to see just how big they get!

I had my interview today for the Comic promoting job. I get about $10 for every person that I get to go to the show and the average for each worker is to get about 8 – 10 people per day. I also get to go to all the shows for free which should be cool as comics like Dave Hughes and Jim Oin often play there.